Prom Season

Well love is in the air. It's the start of spring and prom season, or as I like to call it for shy girls like me, Single Awareness month. Prom is something that every girl looks forward to. It's a day where you get to feel like a princess and get to go to a dance with your prince charming, but for some of us, it's something that we dread.

Don't get me wrong, I love seeing people happy and I love going to dances, in fact I want to go to prom this year too. But I know deep down that it is another dance I won't get asked to. I can dream, hope and wonder if I will get asked, but in the end I won't.

My prom is going to be in the first week of May, and this is different depending on what school you go to. For us it's called " Junior Prom", but even when I was little I have always thought that you should experience prom your Senior year, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Date or no date I'm going to go and just enjoy the night with my friends. Still it would be nice to be asked to at least one dance in all of my high school years, but I can't control that.

"Oh well why don't I just ask someone to prom?" Well good question. Been there, done that, got rejected, and now I'm dreading it.

The Hallway

When you think about it, the hallway is actually a really social place. Whether you are in school or in a store. It's a place to catch up with people, make small talk, or exchange books. But it also makes me wonder.

If you ever walk down the hallway by yourself and pass one other person on the opposite side, what do you do? Do you look at them, look straight forward, pretend to look at your fake text. I honestly don't know what do do myself. I have always wondered what to do. I don't know I just find  it to be completely awkward, especially if you don't know them.

Normally what I do is just look straight ahead. I know, I know, it makes me look stuck up. I would rather have that then be awkward. My friends always tell me that I look like I'm in my own little world and I don't not;ice anything around me. That's probably true. If their was a pack of malling tigers behind me, I probably wouldn't notice, although I don't know why tigers would be in school?

I don't think stores are that awkward when you walk down the aisles. It's pretty easy because you have shelves of things that can distract your attention, rather than in school when all you have is a wall and the opposite side.

So I have a question for you. Where do your eyes go when you wonder down the hallway?

The Look

There are many different types of "looks." There's the disappointment look, the puppy dog look and the keep a secret look. But the look I'm talking about is the look you get from guys, or as I like to call it the " I don't notice look."

My mom said to me the other day; " Oh, that guy just looked at you!" and I have no idea what she's talking about. What guy? There are guys here? For some reason I just don't notice when that happens, and if I do get ready for a whole lot of awkward. Just today I noticed that this guy in my class was looking at me, and in which according to the Girls Secret Handbook (which I never received) your supposed to make eye contact and smile. Well being me I looked and just moved my eyes in the opposite direction. I mean whats wrong with me?! Why didn't i smile or give some type of gesture? Well if you haven't guessed it already, I'm shy with that whole concept.

I honestly don't really keep that thought in my head when I see someone attractive. I would think, " He's not looking at me, their must be someone behind me," and move on. But this is reality and I guess I have to accept the fact that guys are looking at me. I mean lets face it, I'm sure every guy checks out a girl that crosses his path during the day.

What should I complain about really? I guess it's my own fault that I don't notice, or maybe its just that I haven't found someone that I can't take my eyes off of.

Nervousness

What is it about getting up in front of people that makes you so nervous? Is it the fact that your afraid you will mess up, look stupid, or get stage fright? All of those things run through my mind before I go in front of people. It blows my mind how celebrities and musicians and get up in front of thousands of people and have a great performance, but it's their job; that's what their use to. It's hard being shy especially knowing that I will have to go up in front of people. It's hard for me to even say hi to some guy that i like, let alone going up in front of your class to give a speech.

 I know, I know you don't have to give me a lecture. Everyone else has to do it. But they aren't as shy as me. When I watch them, they don't seem to care and seem comfortable. Either they are really good actors or they just don't have a issue. I wish I could do that. It's mostly the waiting to go up in front of people that makes me the most nervous. You have to watch everybody go before you and I literally sit there and count down one by one until it's my turn to go. I get shaky and start breathing heavily. I hate that. I hate that feeling more than anything. But once your up there its as if the whole world stops and before you know it your done. You did it and its such a relief.

I just had a piano recital today. On my way there I could tell I was starting to get nervous. Hate it. I was scheduled to perform last. Some people think that being last is good, well they thought wrong. I would sit there and just stare at my program counting down to when i was supposed to go. I kept saying to myself, it's not a big deal. That actually calmed me down until the one person before me was going. That's when I start playing with my hands and I can not keep still. When I walked  up to start playing I can honestly say that I messed up, but I ignored it. I can't say that I remember the whole performance that I was up there. I blank out and just let my fingers take off. When I was finished I came back to reality with a wonderful applause.

So what I'm trying to say is that if you get nervous and trust me everyone does, don't think about it. Your body knows what to do, even though your mind is gone. Trust yourself and in the end it will turn out fine.

   

                  

Friends

It's hard to make friends when your shy. Your uncomfortable with yourself and your afraid of what people think about you. Fortunately for me I have a great group of friends. We are all comfortable enough with each other to put ourselves out there and make total fools of ourselves and knowing they won't care. It's nice being yourself and other people excepting you for you. But when your shy its hard to put your exact feelings out there. I myself sometimes can't tell my friends how I feel. Sometimes I think that they won't like me anymore and leave me or make fun of me. But that's stupid right? I've been friends with them for 4 years and we have never had a problem. Sure we have fights, but what kind of friends would you be if you didn't fight?

We all have our inside jokes. I sometimes start laughing for no reason and look like a total idiot, but who cares really? Then sometimes there are jokes that get old after awhile. There are some jokes that start eating at your brain and you think about it constantly. Should I tell them I don't like it or just ignore it? Ever since I was in elementary school I've always put out the act that I'm stupid or your typical "dumb blonde." Sure we all have blonde moments, but for some reason when I'm around my friends I can't help but act like a blonde. It's just who my friends know me as and frankly right now I don't like it. There's no doubt that I have embedded in my mind that my friends are smarter than me. They are all in AP classes, and some don't even have to study to get a A on a test. Where as there is me. I study and still get a D. Sometimes it makes no since, and it doesn't help anymore with making me think I'm a dumb blonde.

Right now being in my fourth year of high school its hard to change your image.People know you as a "type of person." The only people you can really be yourself around is your friends, but even I can't do that.